"All sorts of entertaining" - Elizabeth Seckman

"Michael and his pals make me wish I lived in Adelaide" - Cherdo

"If I had a daughter, I'd send her to Australia to meet him (and marry him)" - Robyn Alana Engel

"An Australian version of me. Only younger. And Talented. And better looking. Okay, nothing like me." - Al Penwasser

"Whom must I fuck or pay to get a quotation at the top of your blog post?" - Janie Junebug

Friday, 1 July 2016

5 Suggestions for New Social Experiment TV Shows


It's a new subgenre of reality TV I'm seeing pop up a lot now - the social experiment. Shows such as The Seven Year SwitchKiss Bang Love, Married at First Sight and newest addition The Briefcase all center around a perverted premise and viewers watch as the drama unfolds.

I couldn't care less about these shows, but I do care about cash. And there seems to be much of it in the making of these shows. So I thought I'd have a go at creating some new social experiment reality shows. If you like one and want to see it made, call 1300 555 123 or SMS your name and the name of the show you like to 0464 242 353. Standard call and SMS charges apply.

Pant Swap
We follow five couples (some married, some just dating) as the partners in each couple agree to swap underpants for two weeks. Laugh as each male tries to master the art of releasing his wedgie without being noticed. Cry as each female despairs over the amount of holes in her pants. Will any of the couples decide they like the change and stick to it? Tune in to find out.
Disclaimer: We've been receiving your letters and for the last time, there will not be a gay couple on the show. That just defeats the whole point.


Big Ursa
You've heard of big brother? Now try Big Ursa - the show where we lock twelve contestants in with a house full of bears! Watch as friendships are formed and limbs chewed. The black bear will be attacked (emotionally) by the polar bear as we learn he's a white supremacist. The grizzly bear and the kodak bear will team up to get Bear Grylls voted out of the house. The teddy bear doesn't last long, as it and four of the contestants are eaten on just the first day. TV Guide gives this show two paws up.

There'll be celebrity appearances too.

Find My Phone
We take a phone from an overly social teenager and hide it in the place they're least likely to find it - a library. In the new show that authors everywhere are talking about, this young man or woman must decipher the strange text (it's like an SMS written on paper!) and deal with constantly being told to shush. Friends will contact them over the weeks ahead by writing them gossip-filled letters. By the end of the show, we'll have answered the question - has this teenager actually learned something? Now available for streaming on your smart phone.

It just... goes on... forever...

The Botchelor
A dating show where one man chooses a new bride from one of thirteen vain, conceited, malicious beauty queens. But there's a catch - each woman has had some kind of botched surgery. Will our Botchelor be able to keep his eyes off that one boob that's two cup sizes bigger than the other? Can he navigate around the scalpel that's still sticking out of that giant mole? will he figure out how to kiss the lady who can't move the left side of her face? At the end of each episode, the Botchelor will eliminate one woman by handing her a bandage and asking her to leave the sterilised area. And at the end of the series, the last remaining woman will be crowned "The Botchelorette". They'll run away together, but then the guy will leave her and marry the girl who came second instead.

Do yourself a favour. NEVER Google botched surgery.

PM for a Day
We're taking political turmoil into a whole new electorate. In Australia, we've had five changes of Prime Minister in just three terms. So we've decided to throw our hat in the ring. Over the course of ten days, we give ten different people the chance to be Prime Minister. Chaos reigns as the boats are turned away, then invited back, then turned away again. Superannuation fluxuates from 9% to 12% to 1% and then to a million percent. Gay marriage is one of the first things to be brought in, but it's soon followed by marriage to pets, objects and abstract ideas (like Wednesday). The proponents of the "slippery slope" argument become annoyingly smug. The phrase "We have a plan" is uttered more times than in any other ten-day period in recorded history. There are hugs aplenty as one PM announces a stimulus package of one free puppy to every household. Nobody knows what happens to Medicare.

You won't believe what happens on the final day.

8 comments:

  1. I don't watch reality television, although I did spend one weekend with the flu watchng "Naked and Afraid."

    Still, I hear about a lot of relity TV and these are all better than any of the ones I hear about.

    That includes "Naked and Afraid."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Naked and afraid sounds like what happened at my last birthday party.

      Delete
  2. I love them. All of them. I can already picture Big Ursa's slogan - "You don't have to run the fastest, you just have to run faster than the guy next to you."

    Also, Pants Swap would be worth watching just for the one couple that consists of a scrawny guy and a morbidly obese woman, and we see him wearing her XXXXL g-string like a hulu hoop, while she's trying to shoehorn just one leg into his child-sized whitey-tighties.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We need to pool or resources and have this made.

      Delete
  3. I'd watch the one with bears! And hiding the teen's phone. Do they have to get it back though?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I think it's in the contract. Taking it forever leaves us open to being sued.

      Delete
  4. "Pant Swap" reminds me of the old joke:

    Does your underwear have holes in it? No? How do you put it on?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet Harpo and Chico liked that one too ;)

      Delete

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