'Hi my name's Michael, I'm part of a YouTube team that's doing a series at the moment. I was wondering if we could come down there today and shoot one of our members in the back.'
'Um... No, we can't do that,' came the unimpressed voice of the lady at the other end. 'We don't allow people to just come in and bruise their mates.'
'Absolutely, what's a safe distance we could do it from? Because we don't want to cause any actual damage, we just want to take the shot and that's that.'
'No look, it's bad for the image of paintball if we let all these people come in and film these stunts for YouTube.'
'Oh, I didn't realise you get this request often.'
'I'm going to have to say no.'
'Okay, thanks for your time.'
I hung up.
'Okay boys, looks like we're going with the backup plan.'
'So you're going to pick up some ice from the service station?'
'Sure am, do you think 30 kilos will do?'