"All sorts of entertaining" - Elizabeth Seckman

"Michael and his pals make me wish I lived in Adelaide" - Cherdo

"If I had a daughter, I'd send her to Australia to meet him (and marry him)" - Robyn Alana Engel

"An Australian version of me. Only younger. And Talented. And better looking. Okay, nothing like me." - Al Penwasser

"Whom must I fuck or pay to get a quotation at the top of your blog post?" - Janie Junebug

Friday, 10 April 2015

It's a Match

Part I in the 2015 A-Z Blogging Challenge

So a while ago I learned that I'm a real dude magnet.

I started a Tinder account. I had no idea what I hoped to get out of it, but I thought I'd give it a go. Following advice from Mitchell, I made it look as funny as possible. I put photos of myself giving quizzical looks to the camera, posing in funny ways, and the About Me section simply said "He's a nice boy, but he should clean his room once in a while. -Mum". Later Kelsey and Jerida called me an idiot and helped me redo it. I sat there swiping for a while, then lost interest and went to do other things.

The next day I went back on and did some more swiping. Then I had to go online to reread how it works. Isn't it supposed to tell you when you get a match? It's been two days and I've got nothing. I shrugged it off and went to work.

On the third day, I started to get annoyed. I still wasn't getting any matches. I decided to play with the parameters a little. I expanded the search distance as far as it would go and raised the age limit to 35. Still nothing. After three days, I hadn't gotten a single match. So on the fourth day I got desperate. I raised the age limit as high as it would go (55) and told it to search for men as well (shut up, I wanted results). Then I stood there swiping right to every photo that came up without even looking at it. In fact, I was having a conversation with someone else at the time. It made them laugh to see me look at them and try and string a sentence together while hurriedly stroking the screen of my phone as fast as I could.

A few minutes later my phone started pinging. A lot. It was so distracting that it completely ruined the conversation. Knowing the situation, they excitedly told me to check the results.
"You and Ben are a match," said the first one.
"You and Kyle are a match," said the second one.
"You and Liam are a match."
"You and Daniel are a match."
"You and Akbar are a match."

I watched in confusion and my friends watched in glee as loads of men started sending me "What's up?" messages. I quickly turned the settings back to their original state and weathered the storm of remaining matches. But now I know that if there ever comes a time when I finally, completely give up on women, there's a whole community of people who'd be happy to have me on board.


28 comments:

  1. Scary as it is, this is a beautiful illustration that closing off options removes opportunities. Which is not to say that every opportunity is a good one...

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    1. A GREAT example of looking at the positives ;)

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  2. You are still young; give it some time. Personally, I think you are cute (does that word bother you?), smart and fun :) And, for the record, I am out of your age bracket, geographically far away, and happily married ;)

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    1. Hahaha thanks for the affirmation! That's the problem though, I always get that encouragement from people I'm not suited to. The ones I actually would/should date never seem interested :P

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  3. Replies
    1. Even the part about being out of my age bracket? ;)

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  4. Perhaps you're missing your calling, Michael?

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  5. lmao well I guess it is always good to have other options just in case

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    1. At least I know I won't die alone. Possibly unmarried, but definitely not alone ;)

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  6. That is funny - much more luck than I've ever had attracting men. But don't switch teams yet, Michael. Give it a solid decade or two first. Besides I liked your "He's a nice boy" thing.

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    1. A whole decade?? I'll be past my prime by then ;)

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    2. Oh, you're right. I forgot that a man's prime ends about 18 years before a woman's. Give it 5, no 4, years. =)

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  7. Definitely the hat. HAHAHAHAHA!

    John Holton
    Blogging from A to Z 2015 Cohost
    The Sound of One Hand Typing

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    Replies
    1. Is the hat turning away women or attracting men?

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  8. Just imagine the results if you'd been wearing a San Francisco Giants hat!

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunately I don't know enough about San Fransiscan stereotypes to make a witty comeback :P

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  9. That is so scary! Dude, hang on to that man card. This doesn't mean you've lost it.

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    1. Hahaha thanks :) I'm usually comfortable enough to keep hold of my man cards in even the girliest situations ;)

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  10. Wait, what if one of those pings is really a girl using a guy's name. I used to go by Bruce. (Nah - just kidding - *ping* excuse me, I gotta go.)

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    Replies
    1. You totally had me going there for a second. I did come across one girl who was 10/10 gorgeous, but her about section said "Hey, I'm not here for me. I have a male friend who wants to try other men. If you're interested, send me a message." I'm thinking "Um, there's options for that..."

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  11. this is funny and interesting. It's a crazy world .You just never know what could happen. So much is timing and the whole package - if only the gals could read this blog and get your humor. Get beyond the pretty face under a cap. Good luck.

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    1. Maybe I should just be a hermit instead :P

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  12. Keep your setting set at exactly what you want. Please. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Haha so no 50-year-old men who live 90 miles away?

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