Part I in the 2015 A-Z Blogging Challenge
So a while ago I learned that I'm a real dude magnet.
I started a Tinder account. I had no idea what I hoped to get out of it, but I thought I'd give it a go. Following advice from Mitchell, I made it look as funny as possible. I put photos of myself giving quizzical looks to the camera, posing in funny ways, and the About Me section simply said "He's a nice boy, but he should clean his room once in a while. -Mum". Later Kelsey and Jerida called me an idiot and helped me redo it. I sat there swiping for a while, then lost interest and went to do other things.
The next day I went back on and did some more swiping. Then I had to go online to reread how it works. Isn't it supposed to tell you when you get a match? It's been two days and I've got nothing. I shrugged it off and went to work.
On the third day, I started to get annoyed. I still wasn't getting any matches. I decided to play with the parameters a little. I expanded the search distance as far as it would go and raised the age limit to 35. Still nothing. After three days, I hadn't gotten a single match. So on the fourth day I got desperate. I raised the age limit as high as it would go (55) and told it to search for men as well (shut up, I wanted results). Then I stood there swiping right to every photo that came up without even looking at it. In fact, I was having a conversation with someone else at the time. It made them laugh to see me look at them and try and string a sentence together while hurriedly stroking the screen of my phone as fast as I could.
A few minutes later my phone started pinging. A lot. It was so distracting that it completely ruined the conversation. Knowing the situation, they excitedly told me to check the results.
"You and Ben are a match," said the first one.
"You and Kyle are a match," said the second one.
"You and Liam are a match."
"You and Daniel are a match."
"You and Akbar are a match."
I watched in confusion and my friends watched in glee as loads of men started sending me "What's up?" messages. I quickly turned the settings back to their original state and weathered the storm of remaining matches. But now I know that if there ever comes a time when I finally, completely give up on women, there's a whole community of people who'd be happy to have me on board.