There was another moment where I was filling in for a Quiz Meisters quiz at The Austral on Wednesday night. There was a girl there who looked exactly like Brooke from our gang and I wanted the rest of the group to see her. But let's be honest, if you didn't know me and I went up to you and said "Hey, can I take a picture of you to show my friends?", you'd probably think I'm pretty creepy. But this experiment is no place for paying attention to logic like that, so after the quiz, I packed up my gear and approached her. She was sitting with her back to me, talking to her friends. I tapped her on the shoulder.
'Hey, sorry to interrupt. You're going to think this is weird, but can I take a photo of you?'
'Uh, why?' she replied, perplexed.
'You look exactly like one of my friends and I've got some mates who'll be interested to see it.' The girl hesitated.
'Alright, but only if my friend can be in it,' she said, motioning to the handsome man sitting beside her. I thought that was really smart. Obviously she thought that by "mates", I meant a group of meathead boys who wanted to gawk at her. The fastest way to discourage that sort of behaviour (in most cases) is to bring another boy into the picture. If she was wrong and it was all innocent, no harm done.
'Absolutely,' I said, relieved. I took the picture, thanked her and sent it to my friends.
'Really though?' said Kelsey.
'Yeah I don't see the resemblance,' said Jerida.
"Ah, screw you guys," I thought.
These are some little victories I've been having this week, but there are much bigger fish to fry when it comes to my fear of failure. I sat down and thought about it, and there are four things that I really need to address if I''m to beat this thing. They are:
- Asking out girls. This is probably the biggest one. Literally since primary school, I've been under the impression that either a girl likes me or I like her, never both. That's been very frustrating and proven true on quite a few occasions. My fear of getting rejected by the girls I like I has stopped me from ever trying. Apparently when I was really young (0-4),I was a bit of a womanizer. My parents would take us to a restaurant and I'd run off to find girls to talk to. At the end of the night, my parents would find me surrounded by girls of all ages who thought I was the cutest thing ever. They used to make fun of me about it, which I hated immensely. So as I got older, I became unwilling to talk to them about it. All of these things have led some members of my family to jokingly wonder if I'm gay.
- Applying for jobs. So many times I've gone on the net to look for radio jobs and glanced over them all, thinking "I'm not qualified for any of these." I should be cold-calling radio stations and introducing myself as a way of getting my foot in the door. It's not just radio either, there are so many jobs I could have applied for, but I didn't because I pictured the person on the other end going "I don't have time for this kid," and throwing my resume away.
- Publish something. I'd love to write a book or a sitcom.. But I'm scared that I'll spend two years' worth of free time working on it and then try and send it to anyone that can get it made, and never hear anything back. It's like "Well... that's two years I'm never getting back."
- Take business opportunities. This is the least important one. I've had ideas that I've thought could work and make me a bit of money on the side while I fund my other adventures. But just like with writing a book, the amount of time I'd have to devote into making it work scares me. Plus I have no business sense and wouldn't know where to start.
Wish me luck. *draws sword and walks off into the sunset*